Brenden Corr - Recovery Advocate
Thirlby Co. Leader to Learn From: December 2022
December 7, 2022
From an outside perspective, Brenden Corr had the picture perfect life. He grew up in Seattle with a loving and supportive family, had great friends, went to college, met a wonderful partner, and had a stable job for 13 years.
Early in life, Brenden had always envisioned getting married, starting a family, serving a leadership role at a business, and living a life similar to that of his parents.
But Brenden’s long-term vision shifted in a different direction when he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in his late 20s, which eventually led to his addiction to Xanx and alcohol.
“I got comfortable,” Brenden shared. “I got stuck and didn’t know the next piece of the equation for me. I didn’t have a clear identity and didn't know who I was. This led to a lot of anxiety, fear, and falling into bad habits.”
In June of 2019, Brenden hit rock bottom. “Not only had I unknowingly become super addicted to the medicine I was taking to help with anxiety - I was also needing more of the medicine for the same desired effect, and when that wasn't working, I started drinking more. I felt lost. I was scared, lonely and had no idea who I was. I had become my own worst fear: a [then] 36-year-old married guy on the brink of divorce, possibly losing my job.”
Brenden shares that he was beyond lucky to have a huge network of people around him to help encourage his recovery. “After countless unimaginable days and nights, I broke down to my mom in my boxers, standing in my living room,” Brenden recalls. “That next day I flew down to California, spent 90 days in a rehab facility, and never looked back. It was the best decision of my life.”
Today, Brenden is thriving as a senior director of business development at a tech startup in Missoula, Montana, and using his life experience to inspire others as he gets to know a new version of himself.
The Thirlby Company was honored to sit down with Brenden and learn more about his story, and what he’s learned along the way.
OUR INTERVIEW WITH BRENDEN
We’re going to cut straight to the chase. When was the moment you decided to change your life?
In the months leading up to when I went to rehab, my wife and parents and I were doing sober dinners together as I was withdrawing from the medicine. I had hit rock bottom - including night terrors, hurting myself and drinking at all hours. The withdrawal of Xanax had me losing my mind - I felt hopeless.
I’ve heard that addiction is like being in the eye of a tornado. When you are in it, you look up and it’s the only place where the sun is shining and the sky is clear. You know that everything around you is chaos but when you look up everything is fine. I was tired of being tired, and knew that I had to change my life.
On November 20, you celebrated 3 years of sobriety and shared a powerful message on Instagram. What did that day mean to you?
Honestly, it's a lot of conflict. There is so much gratitude and appreciation for the new version of me that’s here with you today. But then there is also this deep sadness of grieving my old life. I am now 38-years-old, divorced and living in Missoula, MT away from my family and friend support network, and people I spent 30 plus years living next to.
And yet, without sobriety, I don’t get to this next chapter! It’s like this tug of war. Today, I live in this amazing new city, have a wonderful new girl I'm dating, an incredible new job at a startup thats getting some national attention in the insurance industry, and a boss who gives me empathy and compassion to learn and grow in this new version of me. There is so much happiness, joy, and of course, a newfound love for myself.
Also - I’ve learned that everyone needs to hit rock bottom at times. I was lucky enough that mine required me to go to a treatment facility because there I was able to learn a lot of tools on how to love myself and give myself space, compassion, and empathy. Now I have a totally different perspective for mental health, addiction, and people’s lives.
In coaching, we often talk about the concept of identities. Sometimes taking on a new identity requires that we say goodbye to an old one, and grieve our life surrounding that old identity - even if we know the new identity is what we need. What have you learned about grief and identities, in the context of sobriety?
My therapist has helped me with grief. A helpful analogy is thinking of grief in a jar. The balls of grief are always going to be the same - they never really go away. But the jar gets bigger and the space in the jar ends up getting filled with other pieces - it’s about how we fill that jar. It doesn’t mean that the pain ever goes away - I’m just surrounding it with the new joys of this new life I’m creating.
One of the most important things I've realized is, if I do the work, not only will I attract amazing people into my life, but I’ll also be okay on my own.
One thing that we think is inspiring about you is the way you’ve used your recovery process as an impetus for leadership and inspiring others. Tell us a bit about what that’s looked like for you?
It’s constantly changing. Part of my journey over the last few years is that I’ve always wanted to be something that maybe I’m not - the guy who makes a bunch of money and leads a big company. And I don’t know if that’s me. So I think that sobriety has taught me a lot about who I truly am, my identity, and how I show up in the world.
One big part of that is being able to communicate and have empathy. Having the ability to pause, reflect, and provide a compassionate response is invaluable. Everybody shows up in the best way they can, and if they don’t - we have no idea what is going on in their life. As leaders in business, we certainly have a duty to make money and our employees perform their jobs - but, there has to be a balance and it starts with leaders understanding and using these skills with their team members.
Switching gears a bit - how would you define confidence?
I struggle with it and people struggle with it. Confidence is humility, and having the ability to perform at a high level while also being humble about how you got there. Sometimes the loudest person in the room is the most uncomfortable person in the room.
What have you learned about vulnerability, in the context of leadership?
I thought I understood what this was. In hindsight, I had no vulnerability and didn’t even know what it was in my previous career. In today’s age there is a fine line between what is acceptable in the workplace and what is not. I very much value a safe place - somewhere where someone can come and have the ability to be their authentic self. I also understand that vulnerability and boundaries go hand in hand. A person may not be comfortable sharing everything, and so learning how to navigate that as a mentor, boss, or leader is incredibly important.
How would you define your mission or purpose in life?
I struggled when I first saw this question because I don't know right now. Four years ago, I would have said my mission in life is to have a family, be a father, and provide a great life to my kids. Now, I am recreating my identity and morphing it into something new. I don’t know yet and I don’t think I have to choose something right now because the life I’m living now is far more in balance than the one I was living before, when I thought I had a purpose. Certainly, a piece of [my identity] now is helping others get sober.
What is your greatest superpower as a leader?
It’s probably empathy - at least that’s what I’m learning, and how I’m looking to grow.
What is something that might surprise people about you?
I hate public speaking. I love engaging and interacting with people, but I have a fear when I get into a room and have to present to people.
What advice would you have for someone who is struggling or feeling stuck right now in their life or career?
If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that a lot of people are stuck. They aren’t happy. It also gives us confidence that we aren’t alone and that it’s okay to ask for help. Go to therapy. Also, make the jump, challenge your fear set. It doesn’t mean it’s going to work, but at least then you’ll know.
What is one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?
I got caught up with the “keeping up with the Joneses” in Seattle. I got stuck. So I’d go back and give myself compassion - and know that it’s okay to ask for help.
What would you say to someone who is exploring the idea of becoming sober, or curious about addiction?
Being able to reach out and admit that maybe you had a problem or feel uncomfortable with the direction some of your habits are going is the number one piece. It’s so empowering - once you’ve realized that, you’ve broken the barrier of your ego. Also, if you don’t like your habits and you want to speak out about it, there will be thousands of people who will support you in your own decision and have their own experiences to share.
Anything else you’d like to share with our readers?
I don’t take this stuff lightly. We all have struggles in life. It’s important to be able to share our experiences. Even though I am in such a better place in my life right now - I still fail and make mistakes - I probably did today or might tomorrow; but, I now have the desire and ability for self reflection - to constantly learn, improve and be ok with change.
I’m also so lucky to have landed in a such great spot here in Montana working for Reghan Brant and The Loss Run Pros (LRP).
Last - I’m grateful for you and your friendship, and giving me a platform to share about this. It might be a different type of interview than you’re used to for this feature, and it’s also an important piece. Thankfully the pandemic shined a light on the mental health, addiction, and alcoholism that people suffer from and weren’t sharing. I admire you and everything you do.
About Brenden Corr
Brenden Corr was born and raised in Seattle, Washington and graduated from Washington State University with a degree in Business Marketing. After working for Golf Events, LLC (Seattle, WA) for nearly 12 years, Brenden relocated to Missoula, Montana, where he now serves as the Director of Business Development for The Loss Run Pro, a SAAS software startup that delivers an automation solution in the commercial insurance space.
Outside of work, Brenden enjoys spending time with his large extended family and is an avid golfer, traveler, Seahawks fan and helping others to confront their addictions. Since moving to Missoula, Brenden has enjoyed exploring Big Sky Country - hiking, camping, fly fishing, cooking, and floating the river.
You can connect with Brenden on LinkedIn. If you want to chat with Brenden about you or someone you know who may be struggling with addiction, you can email Brenden at brenden.corr@gmail.com.
For more information on mental and/or substance use disorders, please visit the SAMHSA’s National Helpline, a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
About This Feature
Leaders to Learn From is a standing feature in The Thirlby Company’s monthly newsletter that recognizes leaders in our community who embody our company’s core values. You can learn about our other honorees here, or subscribe to our newsletter to receive this feature and more inspiring content in the future.
