Margie’s Story

CHILDHOOD

When I was a little girl, I vividly remember my being a bit different than other kids. I was talkative, bold, and mature for my age. I had a sensitive soul and could feel things more deeply than my friends.

I had an innate sense of right and wrong, and spoke up when I disagreed with others. I was called bossy and sensitive. I asked a lot of questions and desired to understand the world around me. I wanted to make friends with everyone and learn their stories.

But as I entered high school and the world of achievement for young women, things got a bit rocky. I felt immense pressure to live my life the way my parents, the media, and my community wanted me to. I struggled with perfectionism and anxiety, and I was bullied severely by other women.

Over time, I received the message that if I quieted my personality, followed the rules, and put others’ needs before my own, than I would remain a virtuous woman who was accepted and loved by others.

Deep down, I knew I was worthy of belonging and capable of big things, but I didn’t know how to reconcile my internal state with pressures of the world around me. So I went to college in the midwest at a small liberal arts school where I played volleyball and did my best to fit in.

COLLEGE

My school was full of wonderful people, but it wasn’t the right cultural fit for me. And playing volleyball was a hot mess. I felt completely hopeless.

After breaking down in my dorm room one day, my roommate shared that she was studying abroad her junior year, and encouraged me to consider doing the same. I thought it was a crazy idea, but I sprinted to the international studies office 30 minutes before it closed, and filled out an application to go to Scotland. I got accepted to the program, and never looked back.

Not only was Scotland life changing, but it was the boldest move I’d made as an adult to live life on my own terms. Once I quit volleyball, I began to discover more of who I was and what mattered to me in life.

CAREER

After graduating from college with an English degree, I moved back to my hometown (Seattle), hoping to find enjoyment in the marketing and public relations world.

I had fun with my friends on the weekend, but was miserable working at a PR firm with leadership that embodied the essence of Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada.

After weeks of crying at the downstairs coffee shop, I was rescued by a local education foundation who offered me a job helping with event management and fundraising.

The day I quit my job at the PR firm, I told myself that if ever had the privilege of managing people, I would do everything in my power to never make anyone feel the way I did. It turns out that two years later, I’d have that opportunity.

After a couple years at the foundation, my career path came knocking on my front door in a way I never could have anticipated. At the age of 24 years old, I was offered the executive director role at a housing organization in Seattle.

I was utterly unqualified, but somehow a group of board members saw the leadership potential in me that I had when I was a little girl, but ignored for so many years.

And so began my journey of becoming untamed. I worked for seven years to transform a $150K operation in a basement office with 1.5 employees to a thriving nonprofit with a dynamic team, serving over 200 homeowners per year. It was the best job I ever had, and I was really good at it.

But as I started the seventh year at my job, I found myself going through the motions in my life and work.

THERAPY

During my final year at my job, I went to a therapist to help me “manage my stress” and explore what was going on with me. After a couple of months working together, she helped illuminate my “rose colored glasses” approach to life.

We uncovered my continued commitment to people-pleasing, my unhealthy relationships, my utter lack of boundaries, and the role I was playing in my family’s challenges. It was really hard, and the inner child in me knew these things still needed to be addressed.

While we continued working through these areas, I was also presented with a new challenge. My life in Seattle wasn’t filling my cup anymore. One day, my therapist looked up at me and said: “girl, you are bored.” She encouraged me to consider a move to a new city.

After months of traveling and soul searching, I landed on Denver. I secured a job at a national education nonprofit and climbed into my Subaru with my dog and brother to drive across the country. And I never looked back.

MOVING & COACHING

Moving to Denver immediately transformed my mental health and energy. I had better work life balance and spent most of my time outside with happy people. My new job brought a lot of value to my life and reinforced my passion for leading teams and communities.

But about four years in, I found myself feeling stuck again - but this time for a different reason. I was hitting my expiration date as a nonprofit executive. And I knew that jumping ship to a new charity would be a band-aid solution.

I began an epic listening tour in hopes that I would uncover the answers to my career pivot. I listened to my inner voice that told me I needed to help develop people and work with teams. I also enlisted the support of an incredible therapist and badass life coach.

ENTREPRENEURSHIP

Months later, I still didn’t have a plan but decided to apply for a coaching certification and Leadership Denver. I was accepted into both programs, and five months later I gave my notice to my organization, sharing that I’d be opening my own coaching and consulting practice.

I didn’t know if it was the right plan for me, but I knew that staying where I was would protect my ego and limit my potential. I was scared but decided to take a bet on myself.

In March of 2020, the Thirlby Company LLC made its debut. Despite the hardship of launching a small business during a global pandemic, I was thriving more than ever. I was operating in my zone of genius and living a life aligned with my core values and strengths. I was becoming untamed once again.

But there was still something missing. While I was happy in my career, I wanted a partner in crime to enjoy my life with.

LOVE

The reality was, I was still repeating unhealthy patterns in dating that were not allowing me to attract the person I needed and deserved. While I had done a lot of work on myself professionally and significantly upgraded my community, I was still clinging onto my role of the helper and fixer, and settling for less than I deserved.

One day, I found myself home alone at 11:00 am on a Saturday, drinking Chardonnay on the couch in my sweatpants, wiping away my tears.

Earlier that week, I had experienced a traumatic event with an emotionally abusive partner. I had to drive home to Denver through a huge snow storm without having slept the previous night.

My mother flew out to comfort me and spend time with me for a few days. When she left my house, I burst into tears. I was angry, sad, and ashamed. I was sick of feeling alone, mistreated, and disappointed in my dating journey.

And most of all, I was fed up with my ability to continue dating insecure men who didn’t have the capacity to meet my needs. I was choosing all of them, and I was done with it.

At the suggestion of Jamie Kern Lima (in one of the final chapters of her book, Believe It), I took the liberty of writing an angry letter to God in my journal. This was a first for me, and I proclaimed: “there’s no time like the present.”

I got really clear on what I wanted that day. I said that I would never date an unhealthy partner again, or put someone’s needs ahead of my own. I wrote down the exact qualities I needed in a man, and how I wanted to feel in his presence. And I asked God to make it abundantly clear to me when I was supposed to meet my “person.”

The inner child in me that always had a strong, confident, and bold essence was saying: “I’ve always been here for you, and now you need to give me a chance to shine.”

After closing my journal, I curled up on the couch to watch a favorite movie. The world around me slowly started to feel a bit lighter. I hadn’t given up on love, but I was choosing to surrender in a radical way.

. . .

One hour later, I heard a notification on my phone. It was a text message from a guy named Ben who had been introduced to me through a mutual career mentor. Ben had just moved to Denver, and wanted to meet me for a drink.

I immediately scowled at my phone, threw it across the den, and yelled a few expletives as it bounced off the carpet. The last thing I wanted to do was spend time with a guy.

But after a few minutes of collecting myself, I decided that it might not be a horrible idea for me to get outside of the house and spend time with a new friend who had zero connections to my life in Denver.

A few hours later, I marched over to a local brewery in my sweatpants, where I met Ben. After 10 minutes of speaking with him, I thought to myself: “this is the most normal and nice guy I’ve ever met.” It wasn’t a date, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Ben and I continued to hang out as friends. Sooner than we knew it, we were dating. And two years later, we got married in the mountains of Colorado.

Meeting Ben did not complete me - as I don’t believe that someone’s partner should. But the right person has the ability to enhance your life and happiness, and take you to your next level. Since meeting Ben, he’s done that for me and more.

BECOMING

Meeting Ben, moving to Denver, and quitting my job to open my own business taught me the most important thing I’ve learned in my lifetime:

I had to discover who I really was, what I valued in life, and be courageous enough to show up as that woman in order to live my happiest life.

The journey was not easy, but today I am grateful that I went through it. It’s made the coach, consultant, and human that I am today.

. . .

If you are still on your journey of becoming, I want you to you that you’re exactly where you need to be.

You are always doing to best you can, given your current level of awareness, courage, self-love, and healing. If you TRULY knew better and had the capacity to do better, you would have. Literally. 

In order for you to make big changes in your life, you have to get to a place where you understand your patterns and the root of your struggles, and are willing to be vulnerable, forgive yourself, and take responsibility.

Your growth will happen when you decide that the pain of staying where you are is worse than the pain of moving forward. You have to be so clear in your vision and deeply rooted in your own worthiness that you make a conscious choice to do better.

And I hope that one day, I have the honor of joining you on your journey and helping you become the person you’re meant to be. Until then, be kind to yourself and others.

Love,