The Joy Deficit (and What You Can Do About It)
by Margie DuBois, CPC
November 26, 2024
If there is one thing I know about joy, it’s that all of us could benefit from more of it.
Earlier this month, I distributed a survey to my clients to hear what they were hoping to achieve in 2025.
One of the questions asked about which topics felt the most relevant to their lives right now, offering them a long list of options to choose from.
The number one choice selected by participants was: “inviting more joy and fun into my life.” They chose this over key areas like work and life balance, leadership development, and career planning.
I was intrigued enough by this finding that I decided to take things to LinkedIn, posing the same question to my network. Once again, joy was the number one vote.
My take? People are exhausted, going through the motions, and aren't feeling the spark.
While joy is available to us every day, most people aren’t experiencing it consistently. Our modern world and ways of operating are not joy-centric.
We’re not mindful about joy. We’re addicted to hustle culture, jam packed schedules, and social media. We don’t slow down enough to enjoy the present moment, ask for help, or ask ourselves what matters to us. Sometimes we don’t even see joy when it’s right in front of us.
If you’re looking to feel more joyful - and not just now and then - you have to make a conscious choice to prioritize joy.
Here are six foolproof steps you can take to turn up the Joy Meter in your life.
1 - Align your time and goals with your values
Core values are the individual beliefs that you hold, and the things you feel are deeply important in your life.
Core values are unique to you and essential for living a joyful life. When you are clear on your values and living your life in alignment with your values, you feel grounded, happy, and at peace.
By contrast, when you are not in alignment with your values (or don’t even know what they are), you feel stuck, discontent, and frustrated. You may lack motivation, have a hard time making decisions, or feel a bit lost.
Many people think they have their values figured out, but have subconsciously adopted the values of their friends, relatives, and strangers on the internet without even knowing it.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, writes: “If you never sit down to think about your values, then you’ll be more likely to make decisions based on whatever information is in front of you at the time. That can be a recipe for regret down the road.”
Carve out 10 minutes this week to reflect on your core values and discover what they might be today. Remember that your values can change over time as you go through life experiences and discover more of who you are. Once you know and live into your values, your joy meter will soar.
Not sure where to start? Browse this word bank, do a values audit, or enlist the support of a life coach to help you with a values assessment.
2 - Evaluate and prioritize your community
Research has consistently shown that a strong sense of community is the most significant indicator of a person’s health and happiness (Source).
During the pandemic, mental health declined and people became more isolated. As a result, people stopped investing in community in the way they had before and a loneliness epidemic emerged.
In order to feel joy, we have to prioritize connection with others and build our local communities. Being around others literally makes us live longer - as long as we choose the right people.
Motivational speaker Jim Rohn says that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with (Source). If you are spending ample time with others but consistently feeling drained, odds are that you haven’t found your village.
Consider reflecting on your current circle and support system. How well is it meeting your needs? What relationships do you need to let go of, and which ones can you invest in more?
Who you surround yourself with is everything. When you are with happy people who are committed to living their best life, you will be more likely to feel the same.
Not sure where to start? Schedule time with a friend who radiates positive energy when you’re around them.
3 - Stop filling the spaces
On her Instagram account, @nytherapist, Marriage and Family Therapist Tory Eletto writes: “Stop filling all the spaces. With stuff. With automatic habits. With social media. With food. With alcohol. With distraction. With impulse shopping. Stop filling all the spaces because that’s where we disconnect from ourselves, our feelings, our presence, our connection, our values, our needs.”
When we’re experiencing a joy deficit, it’s a natural human tendency to fill our down time with activities that provide instant gratification. We engage in these numbing or “space filling” behaviors because we do not want to sit with our discomfort.
The irony is, if you don’t embrace your tough emotions you can’t fully experience joy. In The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown explains: “You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. When we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness” (Source).
Not sure where to start? Carve out five minutes to reflect on your current time management, and what activities you default to when you’re anxious or bored. Then jot down what is giving you energy verses taking it away.
Then, based on your core values, brainstorm ideas for filling your time. Call a friend, read a book, host a game night, or go for a walk outside. Even better - remove the apps and take a break from your favorite vice for a week or two. Your heart and mind will thank you for it.
4 - Maintain a morning routine you love
Morning routines are one of the most important ingredients to a happy day. How you start your day can have a significant impact on your mood and how the rest of the day unfolds.
A morning routine allows you to fill your cup before you give to others. The most successful and happy people in the world have morning routines that are sacred to them and practiced with consistency.
There are no rules to a morning routine, but you may want to consider the following three components: mindfulness, movement, and learning.
My favorite morning routine includes exercise (I move my body before I do anything else so I don’t talk myself out of it later in the day), completing my Five-Minute Journal (which involves gratitude, affirmations, and identifying key priorities for the day), and enjoying a cup of coffee. I try my best to not look at my phone until my morning routine is complete.
Not sure where to start? Consider listening to this podcast episode with Marie Forleo and Robin Sharma to spark some ideas.
5 - Declutter your life
Toni Morrison once said: “If you want to fly, you have to give up everything that weighs you down” (Source).
It’s hard to feel joyful if your life is filled with clutter. Whether it’s your email inbox, apps on your phone, clothes that don’t fit, lackluster relationships, or excess events on your calendar, these things add up and weigh you down.
When you remove clutter from your environment and life, you generate energy and free up room in your brain for more joyful activities.
Carve out some time to take inventory of the clutter in your life today. What is adding to your stress? Brainstorm a list in your journal until all the clutter is on the page.
Then, circle a few items to prioritize removing from your life. Draft an action item for each, and get specific. If you have clutter in your home or need to clean out your inbox, schedule a few decluttering blocks. Put them on your calendar like you’d put any type of event, and make it a priority.
Not sure where to start? Delete your favorite social media app for one week and read this book.
6 - Craft a joy list (and make it visual)
Perhaps the quickest path to joy is to make a list of things that you know bring you joy, and then do them. The beauty of this strategy is that when you’re feeling stuck, it minimizes mental energy trying to come up with things.
So get out a piece of paper and jot down a list of activities that you know will for sure bring you joy. Whether it’s going for a walk, watching a favorite movie, or hanging out with a friend who makes you laugh, write it down. Then whenever you’re needing a boost, grab the list and choose one of the activities.
Here’s the key. Make sure that your joy list is something you see often. Instead of using a document on your computer, put the list on your fridge or bathroom mirror. The more you see it, the more you’ll be likely to opt into the activities.
Not sure where to start? Make a commitment to complete one joyful activity each day.
. . .
If you want to feel joyful on the regular, you have to make it an intentional practice. Start each day with a routine that keeps you grounded. Plan things that you can look forward to. Use your core values as your North Star. And remember to look up and smile. There is more joy around you than you think.
Last, there is no better way to spark joy than sharing it with others. Make a conscious choice to spread joy to as many people as you can for the rest of this year. When another person feels joy as a result of your actions, they are more likely to pay it forward.
So pay for a stranger’s coffee. Leave words of affirmation on a colleague’s desk. Do something kind for your neighbor. Or start a dance party in your kitchen.
“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” - Henri Nouwen
About This Feature
Coaching Nuggets is a standing editorial feature in The Thirlby Co. Monthly Digest written by our company founder, Margie (Thirlby) DuBois, and occasional guest authors. Each nugget provides you with a quick read and resources to spark ideas and help you live your best life.
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