Seven Life Lessons I Learned From My Dog
By Margie DuBois, CPC
October 4, 2023
On September 13, 2023, I said goodbye to my beloved dog, Lucy. She passed away almost 13 years to the day that I finalized her adoption in 2010 with a rescue agency in Olalla, Washington.
Leading up to that day, I had lost my mind and convinced myself that I needed to get a dog. At the time, I was living in a one bedroom condo in Seattle, running a nonprofit organization, and struggling with my jam-packed social life.
The day I went to pick Lucy up, she was running around with a group of dogs on a farm. When I pulled my car into the driveway, all of the dogs but Lucy barked and ran up to me. A minute later, Lucy walked over to greet me on her own. She stopped about three feet away from me, made a pensive and sweet face, and then walked away. Little did I know that this interaction would perfectly capture the essence of Lucy and our future relationship.
During the 13 years that I had Lucy by my side, she was more than just a best friend. She was by my side for big life transitions - moving from Seattle to Denver, opening my own business, navigating the pandemic, and meeting my (now) husband, Ben. I became a wiser, stronger, and better human because I had the privilege of caring for her. Needless to say, I didn’t rescue Lucy - she rescued me.
Since Lucy’s passing, I’ve reflected on my love for my dog and what I learned from her. I believe that dogs can teach us a lot about life and what matters to us the most - if we’re paying attention. So without further ado, here are seven life lessons I learned from my dog (the ultimate life coach).
1- Laugh often
Lucy made me laugh every day. Whether she was having an awkward turtle moment, making a ridiculous face, or having an epic zoomies party around the house, she brought so much joy to my life and those who loved her.
Lucy made me realize how critical it is to have fun, let go, and be goofy. To not take yourself seriously, and to make time every day for laughter, fun, and play.
When I think of the relationships in my life that are most life giving, they are with friends who are low ego, high trust, and a lot of fun - just like Lucy.
2 - Embrace your quirks and unique qualities
If I could only choose a few adjectives to describe Lucy, quirky would be one of them. She had so many unique qualities that made her different from most dogs.
At home, Lucy was more like a cat. She was quiet and playful at random times. She was indifferent about dog toys and food. She kept to herself and didn’t want a lot of attention - even when I offered it to her.
About once a day, Lucy would walk up to me to shake my hand, or stand by the fridge to ask for her favorite snack: baby carrots. She’d then proceed to throw the carrots around the house, capture them, and have a little feast. It was quite the spectacle - one my friends and I thoroughly enjoyed.
When we went on a walk or arrived at a hiking trail, she went completely nuts - I was with a different dog. She would take me on hikes and make sure we enjoyed every part of it - including the squirrels, river crossings, animal smells, and new dog friends.
Lucy never tried to blend in with the other dogs. It was what made her so lovable. As humans, we often shy away from showing up authentically in fear that other people won’t accept us the way we are. But Lucy taught me to be weird, quirky, and true to my heart as much as I can.
3 - Learn how to sit with people and just listen
When humans are having a sad day, most of their dogs will run up to them, kiss their face, and try to sit on their laps. This was not the case with Lucy. She was sensitive to my feelings and moods, but when I was sad she would simply sit down next to me and just be. On occasion, she would offer a consolation paw, but otherwise would glance up at me and stay still until I made a request of her.
When a friend is struggling, our first instinct is usually to try and help them by offering advice or diving in to solve their problem. But what most people need (at least initially) is someone who can just sit with them, validate their feelings, and listen.
Lucy was a constant reminder of this for me, and has helped me become a more present listener, mentor, and friend.
4 - Color outside of the lines now and then
Lucy was one of the most well behaved dogs I’ve ever met. She was so gentle, kind, and rarely caused any challenges at home.
For most of Lucy’s life, she lived with me in a townhome. She was not allowed upstairs because we kept our bedrooms and bathrooms a pet-free zone. And she always followed the rules.
But toward the end of her life, Lucy started shaking things up a bit, and it was absolutely hysterical. When she turned 12 or so, she decided that that some of the rules no longer applied to her. She went upstairs to say hi to us throughout the day, slept in our bedroom at night, and would even go on our bed while we were away from the home.
One day, my husband came home from work and discovered that after her dog walk that day, Lucy had gone on a “joy ride” around the house, which involved jumping onto our bed, messing with our sheets, pushing the pillows off the bed, and knocking over our lamps. I am so grateful Ben snatched a photo of the crime scene, because we still laugh at it today.
I’m someone who believes that rules are usually good - and some should be broken. Sometimes rules keep us trapped in habits and behaviors that don’t allow us to grow. When we color outside the lines now and then, we gain wisdom and create the best memories.
5 - Get outside as much as you can
There is nothing that brought Lucy and me more joy than when we were outside. Whether we were on a walk, sitting on my porch reading a book, or going on a hike, we were in our happy place.
Lucy loved being outside. Even during the winter, she would sit on snow patches on my roof deck and take naps in the sun. For hours.
During the pandemic, we walked every day. I’m convinced those walks were critical to my mental health, and got me through the pandemic. Lucy knew this, and could tell when I was in a slump and needed to get outside.
During the week, it’s easy to get wrapped up in work and lost in the details at home. When you pause to get the sun on your face or move your body outside, you feel a lot more energized and happier. So get outside today - even if it’s just for 10 minutes.
6 - Grieving leads you to peace
The week Lucy died, I cried more than I think I ever have in my adult life. To be honest, I didn’t think I had it in me.
The night before Lucy's passing, I laid in bed sobbing. Even though I was at peace with my decision, I felt so sad about the big change that was underway. The reality was, I was saying goodbye to someone who had been with me for one third of my life. I was about to lose a family member and best friend.
The days that followed Lucy’s passing were really hard, but as time progressed I felt less sad. I discovered that a big portion of my sadness was replaced with relief. My grief didn’t go away, but I felt lighter.
In the Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama shares: “Grief is the reminder of the depth of our love. Without love, there is no grief. So when we feel our grief, uncomfortable and aching as it may be, it is actually a reminder of the beauty of that love, now lost.”
Since I sat with the discomfort, I was able to gain more peace with Lucy’s passing. I’ve discovered that my tears (and puffy eyelids) are tangible reflections of my deep love for my dog. My grieving has been a way of honoring the 13 years I had Lucy by my side.
7 - Great relationships take time and effort
When I first adopted Lucy, she was a really anxious dog and a bit aloof. The rescue agency had found her abandoned on the side of a road, and explained that she wasn’t socialized with humans during the first year of her life.
As a result, it was really hard for me to connect with Lucy at first, and she definitely wasn’t comfortable with other humans. I was worried I may have made the wrong decision. I wondered if Lucy would ever become a happy dog, and if we’d develop a bond.
With time, Lucy became more outgoing and confident. After we moved to Colorado, we spent way more time outside and in the sun. On the weekends, we went hiking and snow shoeing with other dogs and friends. Lucy developed more of her personality and put on a few pounds of muscle.
Slowly but surely, Lucy became the dog she was meant to be and we developed that bond - but it took years of training, socialization, and solid routines for that to happen.
Like with any successful relationship, both people have to be fully committed to co-creating the partnership they desire. It takes time, energy, intentionality, and trust. And in the end, it’s totally worth the effort.
. . .
If there’s one thing I know about losing Lucy, it’s that she was a huge part of my life - and I’ll always miss her. I’ll think of her while I’m on hiking trails, reading a book on the deck, passing by dogs at the park, and eating carrots in the kitchen.
Lucy’s sweet, quirky, and fun-loving energy will stay with me forever. And I’ll be grateful for the ways she made my life brighter, and made me a better human.
So if you’re lucky enough to have a furry companion with you at home right now, hold them close tonight. And remember to say “thank you” for all the wonderful lessons they’re teaching you.
“Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.” - Roger Caras
About This Feature
Coaching Nuggets is a standing editorial feature in The Thirlby Co. Monthly Digest written by our company founder, Margie (Thirlby) DuBois, along with occasional guest authors. Each nugget provides you with a quick read and resources to spark ideas and help you live your best life.
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